Why I’m Not a Famous Model

Earlier last year I had a brief foray into the glamorous world of amateur modelling. A friend of a friend was a photographer looking to bulk up his portfolio with a few shots, and was looking for someone to model for him. I thought “why not?” and volunteered to help him out. Of course I was a little sceptical at first, but we agreed to meet in a public place so that he could lay out his ideas for me. Everything went well, he took a few shots to see how they’d turn out, and taught me a little about the tricks of the trade. The following week we met up again to take some of the real photos.

I should say that while I’ve had some issues in the past, I am fairly comfortable with my body. It’s not broken or disabled, I can run, jump, I can do all the things I want to do, and when all’s said and done, I wouldn’t change it. I’m five foot three, so definitely not average model height, with an average BMI of 20. I’m small.

The photographer was incredibly enthusiastic about my modelling. According to him, I “would make a great model,” I “should seriously consider doing this professionally,” and he would help me “bulk up my portfolio.”

Other comments were not so flattering: “you have a little tummy but that’s fine,” “you’re not a traditionally thin model,” “just turn this way to hide a bit of your arm.” I accepted these comments, because they are things I know about myself, but looking back, I wonder what gave him the right to make comments on my body.

When he sent me the edited photos, I didn’t know what I expected, but what I got made me uncomfortable. My arms had been sliced to appear thinner, my face had been overexposed so hide the bump in my nose, my left hip was non-existent, and the “little tummy” had been removed. My boobs had been enlarged, and my neck had been slimmed. He had even faded out the little mole on my left arm! There was very little about my proportions that remained the same. They were small adjustments, perhaps only visible to me, but looking at them both side by side, I was shocked. Was this the norm? Is this what modelling does to women?

This may be the industry. This may be what is considered beautiful, and I may have “made a great model,” but the gratuitous retouching of my body did not instil me with confidence about that future. I am happy with my body. It’s taken me a while to get to that point. I don’t need others telling me I am not enough. And that was when I decided my bright future in modelling would have to wait. Instead I wish to raise the issue of a world where a thirty-year-old male photographer is allowed to make judgements on the acceptability of an 18-year-old girl’s body.